Piloting from the Co-Pilot seat

I’ve started the process of journalling the entirety of my road trip to nowhere. I’m not sure yet IF I will share it or how I will share it. But for me it is an important part of processing the events of the weekend. And then I’ll have to figure out how to move forward.

But there are certain key moments that keep playing in my mind over and over again. On a loop, that honestly probably isn’t that healthy- but I’m working on that.

NOTE: You should read last week’s blog for context before you continue.

Anyway, one of those moments was after our first pit stop. Gas, food, bathroom. I grabbed Subway because that seemed the only acceptable food source. We ate in the car for reasons I won’t go into here.

When my uncle was ready for his sandwich, I unwrapped it and prepped it for eating before handing it to him. Keep in mind at this point he was still driving. When I handed it to him he made a comment about me “mothering him.” It was said simply enough, but I am no fool. This simple comment was a minefield. So I carefully, and truthfully responded, “No, I’m being a good co-pilot.”

And I was. It is something I would have done for anyone who was driving. But also I know that my uncle does not consider “mothering” a compliment and in a way it was a trap (maybe just subconscious). So the term Co-Pilot was very intentional.

As the trip progressed I thought about that interaction. I was stuck in the Co-Pilot seat when I needed to be piloting the plane (or in this case the car). As it became more and more evident that the person in the Pilot seat wasn’t capable of piloting anymore, I figured out how to Pilot from the Co-Pilot’s seat.

Now, there are other layers here. I was trying to preserve a family bond. I was dealing with someone with dementia, so I had to be careful not to argue. I was afraid for my safety but had to at all times appear calm. And most of all, I had to pitch ideas in a way that made him feel like it was his decision until he was ready to hand over the controls. And we got there. It took an entire day, but he eventually let me take control of the situation, right the plane, and turn us around.

If Life was a Dream and it was my dream… this still isn’t my favorite dream. But because of the lens I use to look at life, I can see the lessons layered within. I have more confidence now than before- that I can go in, assess a situation, and turn it around. And I know now that regardless of “my seat,” if I’m a Pilot, I’m a Pilot.

Do you let the “seat” you are in determine your behavior? Do you know who you are?