Carrie Morris Factoran
Finding the lessons in the symbols that surround us everyday.
As leaders at home, school, work, or in our community we want to create space for people to be heard, we want to actively listen. But how do we do that? In this blog I give you 3 practical tips you can use today!
Read MoreOn February 7, 2018 I posted a blog titled: Family, Tribe, Community. Here is what I wrote then:
I don't know if other professions do this, but I often hear in my line of work phrases like: "My work family" and "I found my tribe."
What does that mean? I looked up the definition of family and tribe in the Merriam-Webster dictionary and they both had multiple definitions. I picked one for each:
Family- a group of persons of common ancestry
Tribe- a group of persons having a common character, occupation, or interest
With those definitions tribe seems like a more accurate word. Then I looked up the word Community.
Community- a unified body of individuals; society at large
If life was a dream, and it was my dream...
As a leader I seek not to create a family or a tribe, I seek to create a community. A unified body of individuals working together to create something better. We do not have to like each other all the time, we do not have to love each other or believe the same things. We don't have to have the same interests or a common characteristic and we certainly do not need to have a common ancestry. In fact it is more vibrant and valuable the more different we all are. That's how we create something better.
And now to revisit-
Short, simple, to the point. So why is it so hard?
So much easier to side with our Tribe. Because in a tribe we all want the same things. We have the same purpose, mostly the same view points. A Tribal leader works to care for his people, and his people only. The other tribes are not only not his concern, but could pose a threat to his Tribe’s way of life. The tribe serves their leader, and that leader protects their way of life. (Anyone feeling uncomfortable yet?)
Is that how we should lead a team? It certainly isn’t how we should lead a community.
A Community leader is concerned about the… you guessed it, community! - which by definition is made up of individuals or “society at large.” Which means everyone has value. Even the “crazy” dissenting voice. To her, that voice is a check, and an opportunity. An opportunity to ask more questions, seek answers, and find the most thorough solutions. But there are no winners and no losers. And let’s be clear, not everyone gets what they want (most people don’t get what they want because what they want is not what they need). The loudest voice does not mean it is the right voice. A Community leader serves her community. She is not scared to face tough questions nor is she scared to ask the tough questions. This is how we get better.
So dreamers, If Life was a Dream, and it was my dream... We’d have more Community leaders.
Do any of these ideas make you uncomfortable? Do you disagree? Dig deeper. Ask yourself why. If it was your dream… what do these words/ ideas mean to you?
Many years ago in leadership course I was taking, offered by my employer, we were given a piece of wisdom that I carry with me today.
The lecturer/ presenter drew a Bell Curve on the white board. She then drew three lines. One at the beginning of the curve one in the center and one at the end. The majority of our employees will fall in the big middle section between the two end lines. There will always be rockstars at one end and the unmotivated/"troublemakers" at the other. Nothing you can do will change who they are and what they will be. Who we really effect are those in the middle. The people teetering on either side of the middle line. That is where our influence lies, and yet- she revealed- as leaders we tend to spend most of our energy on the two ends of the Bell Curve instead of influencing the middle to be great.
In retrospect, I'm not sure I would choose to use a Bell Curve, but it wasn't my presentation and the imagery still holds.
What are the effects of leading to the outliers? Well if I lead a team of 10, and 2 people take all of my time and energy then I've let 8 go without guidance, encouragement, correction, or praise. Or worse, I'm correcting them all based on the actions of 1. We've all witnessed it, the strange new rule or expectation that the "boss" rolls out for seemingly no reason. I've used a really small sample here to simplify my point. But the same holds true when you increase to 100 and the split is 20 to 80 or if you increase to 1000 and the split is 200 to 800.
It gets really easy to get caught up in dealing with the "bottom" 20, basking in the achievements of the "top" 20, and forgetting there are 80 other people that need you. The increase in size makes those 20 -200 people feel significant.
But they are still only 20%. 20% of the people should not be taking 80% of your time.
So the lesson is, don't lead to the outlier. Don't base your entire style on the fringe cases.
If Life was a Dream and it was my dream, there are a lot of cases where it is tempting to focus on the extremes or the extreme examples of people. As leaders it is our calling to lead our entire organization (community), not just the outliers. See everyone. Lead everyone. Engage the 80%.
When it rains it pours.
It always comes in threes...well this week it came in dozens. It seems like everywhere I turn this week (coming off of the weekend) there is a new tragedy. Someone in our close knit community going through something. From the unspeakable tragedies to the just sucky life situations, it's been a week. And tonight the rain kept coming.
After years of practicing being an Honest and Vulnerable leader I found myself on the other side of the table. My leaders were honest and vulnerable with me.
After years of first hand experience with death. I was able to draw from my experiences to share thoughts on how we might best help a grieving friend.
After years of building a community I watched the strength of it hold us together as we grieve together.
This was one of those weeks where my method of coping was to be an umbrella, a shelter when I could.
If Life was a Dream, and it was my dream... sometimes we have nightmares. Sometimes we have collective nightmares. Nightmares are a call to action. It's your brain's way of screaming at you that something isn't right. Your subconscious picks something vivd enough to make the images stick. So here are the images that stuck this week:
